The Callings of Marriage and Motherhood

I spent my lunch today reading an excellent, insightful article by Rachel Jankovic on the Desiring God blog, titled “Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank).”  It constrasts the common cultural views on children versus a Christ-honoring perspective on motherhood as a calling, beginning by offering a very real depiction of the common societal perspective:

“Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done…  Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get… Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.”

Then, the author contrasts it well with a Biblical perspective:
“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

And I’m very glad that Ms. Jankovic wrote this article, and rejoice that she and the Desiring God blog are offering such encouragement to mothers everywhere.  I most emphatically agree that our society does a poor job of prioritizing children from the moment they’re conceived.  And I agree that it’s hearbreaking when a culture views children as an annoyance to be shuffled off to the next activity or caregiver so the parents can get on with their lives.

BUT.  As a recent single woman, and now a married woman without children, I want to offer a careful qualification on this well-written article (and the very good and true perspectives espoused within it).  Because in my experience, such exhortations often include an implication that if you choose to postpone childbearing, or choose to have only one or two children, that you’re prioritizing children below studies or travel or work.  And even when it’s not intentionally implied, it’s still so easy for a woman to read into this article’s words of encouragement a perspective that was unintended (for that woman has seen that very perspective in a hundred articles before).

I disagree with those that would assert that a woman should get married and have children as fast and prolifically as possible.  Why?  Consider with me first the calling to marriage.  We know from the apostle Paul that marriage is a blessing, and yet singleness is too.  And for those women that are called to singleness, whether for a season or for a lifetime, they are not denying motherhood to study and travel and work.  They are obediently following the purpose God has determined for their life.

Likewise, I agree that children are a blessing.  I also agree that when a wife becomes a mother, her children must become a vital aspect of her calling.  However, it doesn’t follow that a woman should become a mother as soon as she can, and if she chooses to delay motherhood for a year or a decade, that she is denying her calling from the Lord.

We know marriage is a blessing, yet one to which not all are called.  And for those that are called, that time comes at different seasons in their life.  As an 18-year-old freshman in college, I was not denying God’s calling on my life because I was “postponing” marriage.  Neither was I denying God’s calling when I was 23 years old and single, and traveled for a month across the entire United States (one of the most amazing experiences of my life).  And if I had, in God’s sovereignty, not met my husband, I would not be denying my calling if I worked in an excellent God-glorifying career for the rest of my life.

We know that children are a blessing.  But we also know that, at least for the single (whether for a season or for life), children are not a calling.  And Scripture nowhere indicates that the sole purpose of marriage is to bear children quickly and in abundance.  So if a woman can go to college at 18 or travel at 23 or work for her entire life as a single woman without denying a calling to marriage, can she not also postpone childbearing?  Not because she doesn’t wish it, or because she’s selfishly choosing herself over her unconceived children, but because this is not the season in which she is called to be a mother?

I don’t write this to say that all women that postpone motherhood do it through true motives in line with the Lord’s will.  But I certainly would encourage women that the Lord has callings on their lives that extend far beyond motherhood.  And I would even be hesitant to declare that a woman that chooses to *never* bear children is therefore denying God’s purpose for her life, for the same reasons that a woman remaining unmarried is not only acceptable but encouraged by Paul.  If I had remained single, it would have allowed me to dedicate myself to the Lord and to my church in a way that I now cannot as a married woman.  And Lord willing, I plan to have children one day, but in this season of my life I can serve the Lord, my husband, and my church in a way that I will be unable as a mother.  And for a woman who marries but never bears children, she can likewise spend her entire life in tremendous, God-glorifying ways.  The most important part is that very thing – whatever season of life you’re in, you must spend it to the glory of our God and Father.

Somewhere – Rich Mullins

(You can listen here – just click the play button to the right of the arrow that says “Looking for this song?”)

Somewhere
Between the lost and the found
We’re all hanging empty
Empty and upside down
But I’m hanging on
Though the fall may tempt me
And I believe in the dawn
Though I tremble in the night

Somewhere
Amidst these ins and these outs
There’s a fine line of purpose
I follow even now
Through the haze of despair
That confuses and hurts us
I look to see that You’re there
And I run toward Your light

Somewhere
Beyond these reasons and feelings
Somewhere
Beyond the passion and fatigue
I know You’re there
And that Your Spirit is leading me
Somewhere beyond all this

Someday
Now I don’t know when
But I know that You’re coming
You’re coming back again
And the earth will burn away
And the sky fill with thundering
As it announces the day
That has finally arrived

Somewhere
While the time is still now
While we’re hanging empty
Empty and upside down
But I’m hanging on
With all that is in me
And I’ll sing my songs
And I’ll laugh until I fly

Somewhere
Beyond these reasons and feelings
Somewhere
Beyond the passion and fatigue
I know You’re there
And that Your Spirit is leading me
Somewhere beyond all this

Somewhere
Take me away somewhere
Somewhere
Take me away somewhere
Somewhere
Bear me away somewhere
I gotta go somewhere
Somewhere

The Unicorn Tablet

Contemplative and insightful perspectives on the mythical Apple Tablet from John Gruber (of Daring Fireball). I’m not gonna steal his thunder, so you’d better click through and read the rest on your own:

“Successful new gadgets always seem to occupy a clearly defined place alongside, or replacing, existing devices. The Flip filled a previously empty niche for a small, cheap, simple video camera. How was the iPod better than existing portable music players? It fit 1,000 songs in your pocket, with a fun interface that let you find them easily. Why buy an iPhone to replace your existing mobile phone? Because there was a clear need for a modern handheld general-purpose computer.

But how much room is there between an iPhone (or iPod Touch) and a MacBook (or other laptop computer, running Windows or Linux or whatever)? What’s the argument for owning all three?

“I’d use it on the couch and lying in bed” is not a good answer. You can already use your iPhone or MacBook on the couch and in bed. It strikes me as foolish to market a multi-hundred-dollar device that people are expected to leave on their coffee table.

“It’s a Kindle killer” is not a good answer. If you think Apple is making a dedicated device for reading e-books and articles, you’re thinking too small.”

Read the rest of this article here.

Christmas Cookies

Stolen from Corrie… best Christmas cookie recipe ever, hehe.

Bacardi Christmas Cookies

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Bacardi Rum

Instructions:
- Sample the Bacardi to check quality.
- Get out a large bowl, then check the Barcardi again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
- Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
- Add one teaspoon of sugar…beat again.
- At this point it’s best to make sure the Barcardi is still OK, so try another cup … just in case.
- Turn off the mixerer thingy.
- Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, pick the frigging fruit off floor… Mix on the turner.
- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
- Sample the Barcardi to check for tonsisticity.
- Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.
- Check the Barcardi.
- Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
- Add one table.
- Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.
- Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
- Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Rarcardi Bum and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!!!!

Swing Dance Music, Uberawesome Edition

What do Mr. Brightside, Wonderwall, and Smells Like Teen Spirit have in common?

For those of us addicted to swing dancing, and consequently, big band music, I have two words for you: Paul Anka.

Give these a listen…. Mr. Brightside, Wonderwall, Smells Like Teen Spirit

Maybe you’ve known for years… but I just discovered him tonight. And tonight is a good night.

Edit: further internetings have revealed a treasure trove of music like this… give Richard Cheese a listen too.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I love…

• productive evenings
• rain
• unfinished dreams
• chips and guacamole
• faith that never makes sense, grace that never will
• genuine friendship
• the differences that bring us together
• washing machines
• only one more week
• the light at the end of tunnels (or is it an oncoming train??)
• sleep

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Today in class someone mentioned a poem that I’d forgotten about, but once was an old favorite of mine. A simple but true picture of life, failure, and our search for freedom. Just wanted to share with the Internets.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters – Portia Nelson

I. I walk down the street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…..I am helpless;
it isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place;
but it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in….it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV. I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V. I walk down a different street.

C.S. Lewis – Contradictions Regarding the Second Coming

“I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.”
Matthew 24:34

This passage (regarding the end of the world and the coming of the Son of Man) seems to imply that these events should have occurred during the first century AD when Christ’s audience was still alive. However, two thousand years later, we’re still waiting for an event the earliest Christians expected within their lifetimes. There are a number of explanations for this seeming-contradiction that I’ve heard offered over the years, including:

• The word “generation” refers to the entire race of the Jews (or even more broadly, to the race of man)
• Christ was not speaking about the first-century Jews, but of an unspecified future generation that would see the events both begin and come to fulfillment within their lifetime
• Christ was referring to the Apostle John, who saw the end times in his visions as related in Revelation
• These events began happening in the first century, but have not yet reached their fulfillment
• We see a partial fulfillment take place in the first century, which shadows the fullness of a future event (much like the serpent was lifted up by Moses to save the Israelites just as Christ was lifted up to save us all)
• The Second Coming already occurred with Christ’s spiritual return in 70 AD

Every explanation I’ve heard has seemed somehow dissatisfying, though I’m admittedly not a scholar or theologian, and have no education regarding the Greek New Testament or eschatology.  But apparently C.S. Lewis (whose writings have influenced me more profoundly than any others but the Bible itself) felt much the same. I was taken aback by his unequivocal honesty in his essay The World’s Last Night (available in entirety here):

“Say what you like,” we shall be told, “the apocalyptic beliefs of the first Christians have been proved to be false. It is clear from the New Testament that they all expected the Second Coming in their own lifetime. And, worse still, they had a reason, and one which you will find very embarrassing. Their Master had told them so. He shared, and indeed created, their delusion. He said in so many words, ‘this generation shall not pass till all these things be done.’ And he was wrong. He clearly knew no more about the end of the world than anyone else.”

It is certainly the most embarrassing verse in the Bible. Yet how teasing, also, that within fourteen words of it should come the statement “But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.” The one exhibition of error and the one confession of ignorance grow side by side. That they stood thus in the mouth of Jesus himself, and were not merely placed thus by the reporter, we surely need not doubt. Unless the reporter were perfectly honest he would never have recorded the confession of ignorance at all; he could have had no motive for doing so except a desire to tell the whole truth. And unless later copyists were equally honest they would never have preserved the (apparently) mistaken prediction about “this generation” after the passage of time had shown the (apparent) mistake. This passage (Mark 13:30-32) and the cry “Why hast thou forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34) together make up the strongest proof that the New Testament is historically reliable. The evangelists have the first great characteristic of honest witnesses: they mention facts which are, at first sight, damaging to their main contention.

The facts, then, are these: that Jesus professed himself (in some sense) ignorant, and within a moment showed that he really was so. To believe in the Incarnation, to believe that he is God, makes it hard to understand how he could be ignorant; but also makes it certain that, if he said he could be ignorant, then ignorant he could really be. For a God who can be ignorant is less baffling than a God who falsely professes ignorance. The answer of theologians is that the God-Man was omniscient as God, and ignorant as Man. This, no doubt, is true, though it cannot be imagined. Nor indeed can the unconsciousness of Christ in sleep be imagined, nor the twilight of reason in his infancy; still less his merely organic life in his mother’s womb… It would be difficult, and, to me, repellent, to suppose that Jesus never asked a genuine question, that is, a question to which he did not know the answer. That would make of his humanity something so unlike ours as scarcely to deserve the name. I find it easier to believe that when be said “Who touched me?” (Luke 7:45) he really wanted to know.

I don’t know what to do with that. Any time I’ve initially been perplexed by (or even completely disagreeing with) something Lewis said, I’ve found myself days, months, or years later independently arriving at a strikingly similar conclusion. So when I encounter an assertion that seems particularly hard to swallow, I’ve learned to give it special contemplation…perhaps he’s foolishly wrong, but more frequently I find him surprisingly right.

So tonight I’m contemplating.