ani ruhama

It’s been a shamefully long time since I posted. Haven’t had a lot a lot to say, or rather, not many words to say it all with. And when I do have words, there’s generally not time to share them. Many apologies.

Seven days till my twenty-first birthday. Fourteen until my last final (and therefore, the closest thing to having an official date for graduation, as there’s not a ceremony for December grads). Sixteen until I have to be moved out of the dorm and into my non-existent post-graduation residence somewhere on the planet commonly known as Earth. In the meantime, I constantly remind myself not mentally check out of my classes, practicum, and job responsibilities in undue anticipation of when it’ll all change, while still having to manage all my preparations for life post-college. So far, I’m doing well. We’ll see how the next two weeks are.

My direction is frustratingly unknown right now. How do you define yourself and your life? If I asked you who you are, I would probably receive an answer that included mention of your career, where you live, who you’re in a relationship with, and your religious affiliation. I’m definitely having to suspend such descriptions as accurately defining myself, because if I don’t, I’ll dive into an identity crisis. The role of college student is gone now, I don’t know where I’m working upon graduation, and the one job I’m considering doesn’t begin to enter the field of social work. I don’t know where I’m living, not just in terms of what apartment, but even what state I’ll be in. Relationships…definitely no identity being drawn from that right now. And if you’ve been reading my recent posts, you’ve figured out my religious affiliations are up in the air; I know my God and my Jesus, but the practice of said faith remains to be seen.

God’s granted me tremendous peace over the last month or so. I’m not good with the unknown. But I’m learning to accept it and, on the good days, even embrace it. I’m learning that God likes to do some of his greatest works in my life in the middle of my utter darkness and confusion. And then suddenly day breaks in its clarity, and I look around me and see where he’s led me. It’s rarely an active process of me choosing to walk in a certain direction knowing both where I am and where my final destination lies (which I would much prefer, and constantly attempt despite His best efforts to teach me to follow, not lead). Instead, I have to trust. I’ve never been good at that. But like I said, I’m learning.

If I had to guess where I’ll end up, I’d expect to be staying in the area indefinitely. I’ll give you, my faithful reader, an update when the job and housing situations are finalized. Hopefully that’ll be soon. Very soon. Because, as previously discussed, I don’t like the unknown.

Now, as always, your prayers are coveted.

I derive great joy from very strange things. For example, my newly established criminal record, purchased at the low price of $10 for “Parking against flow of traffic or line.” It was a two-way street and I wanted to parallel park on the other side, but didn’t especially feel the motivation to turn around. So I didn’t. Strangely enough, there was a pretty yellow slip of paper sitting on my windshield when I returned. The ticket says my car is grey, and it’s definitely gold, so I’m a little bitter about that. Ah well.

Now I can run criminal background checks on myself…Next thing you know I’ll be a felon. Or the Godfather.

I’m going to see Jars of Clay.

That makes me supremely happy.

*written three days later*  Odd.  I just noticed this post didn’t actually get posted, even though written and sent to WordPress on the 14th.  WordPress had it listed as a post, not a draft, in my Dashboard.  But it never showed up on my front page, and when I went to the editing screen, it claimed there that it was a draft.  Even though a) I’d already hit “Publish” and b) the Posts screen listed it as a published post.   Like I said, odd.

So you can all have this slightly stale post to read, because the information is still relevant.  Because I’m still going to Jars of Clay tomorrow.  Yay.

My first inquiring visit to an Orthodox church was last semester to St. Andrew’s, where I was bewildered by the strangeness of it all, my feet hurt from standing too long, and the incense made it hard to breathe.

Since then, my boss and his coworkers (Bert, Rick, and Chris) have been doing their best to indoctrinate me at every available opportunity, though they claim they’ve had no such motive (I know they’re lying). I decided it was time for a second visit, and this morning joined the congregation at St. Athanasius. This time I came prepared, wearing comfortable shoes and taking allergy medicine. It certainly made for a more enjoyable visit.

I’ve never walked into a church and immediately felt it was home. I would perhaps enjoy the worship, sermon, people, but there wasn’t the immediate sense of belonging. So it’s been difficult, moving to Kentucky and trying to find a new church to replace the one I’ve known and loved all my life. I’m graduating in four weeks now, and still don’t have one.

So I was caught off guard today. Here I was attending an unfamiliar church from an unfamiliar tradition, yet it seemed like I was home for the first time in my life. I couldn’t really tell you why. It wasn’t the worship, as icons and Byzantine chants aren’t exactly my cup of tea (yet…oh, that’s a dangerous word). And it wasn’t the sermon, though it resonated with me as deeply as any Protestant one has in quite a while. So I suppose that means it was the people…that wonderful Body of Christ.

At St. Athanasius, the visitors are offered the antidoron (blessed bread that’s not part of Communion), though many Orthodox churches don’t share this practice. As six, seven, eight people approached me and offered a piece, I had to refrain from laughing quietly. My amusement at the large quantities of antidoron I consumed aside, it was a wonderful gesture, extending love and fellowship to the visitor instead of holding them on the outside because they’re not part of the elite.

Also, most churches I’ve attended seem to have a small group of people that make it their mission to greet everyone, but the conversation so often seems forced, a duty to be fulfilled so they can move onto the next new face. However, staying for the Common Meal today, I felt genuinely welcomed in a way to which I wasn’t accustomed. It wasn’t because I already knew a small handful of people, as the churches I’ve attended during college are all filled with fellow students, including many of my best friends. So I don’t know what it was…like I said, it felt like home, and I couldn’t tell you why.

Perhaps I’m just drawn to this church because it’s new and different and so very shiny. I don’t know…that feeling of not-knowing seems to be a rather common theme in my life these days. I’ve learned a lot of basic Orthodox theology through Bert, Rick, and Chris (maybe I should just refer to them as the Three Stooges for brevity’s sake). And in the little spare time I have, I’ve tried to read some (right now, I’m thoroughly enjoying Facing East by Frederica Mathewes-Green). But apparently I can’t really understand Orthodoxy until I experience it.

Perhaps I’ll stay around a while and find out.

Cleaned my desk…found thirty dollars. Pretty nifty when you can feel organized and rich at the same time.

Now I need to feel scholastic too, and go write pages 4-12 of my paper due tomorrow. The last paper of my college career.

For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns–broken cisterns that can hold no water.

For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.

(Jeremiah 2:13, Psalm 36:9 NKJV)

Men and women are equally foolish when it comes to interactions with one other. Things would be so much easier if we just established a mutually-agreed upon set of rules for dating. One would think there would already be some universal standards instituted by some aspiring souls, but when I googled for Rules for Dating I found such awful tips as:

“Don’t sleep with her mom.”
“Don’t cut or color your hair at the beginning of a relationship. Your new love interest might be nice about it, but he won’t like it.”
“Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.”
“The sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of women you have dated are off-limits unless you live in Arkansas or certain counties in Mississippi. Her best friend is a no-no, as well as the sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of any of your friends.”
“Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.” (okay, that is a valid point, but not very helpful in the grand scheme of things)
“Take her where everyone knows your name.”

Being horrified by the complete lack of useful information on the Information Superhighway, I’ve made a few dating rules of my own. As several gentleman have pleaded with me to share my perspectives with those of the fairer sex, I’ve decided to do so…provided the men will uphold their end of the rules as well. Read on for Laura’s Useful Rules for Dating.

Google has released a Gmail for Mobile application, a tiny Java midlet that works great on most any Java-enabled phone (including my own LG LX-350). Gmail’s mobile web interface was already nifty, but this is awesome. It’s a fully functional Gmail client for your phone, and feels a lot like the normal Gmail interface, including the Conversation View. You can also view attachments from your phone (including PDFs and Word documents!), directly call your Gmail contacts, and it has prefetching. Whee. Download it to your phone at http://gmail.com/app.

I just noticed there’s also a Java Google Maps program now. Works great for little phones like mine, on which I normally can’t get good maps. This lets you zoom to your heart’s content, save locations for easy future use, and get step by step driving directions. Download it at www.google.com/gmm, or give it a test drive.