ani ruhama

Men and women are equally foolish when it comes to interactions with one other. Things would be so much easier if we just established a mutually-agreed upon set of rules for dating. One would think there would already be some universal standards instituted by some aspiring souls, but when I googled for Rules for Dating I found such awful tips as:

“Don’t sleep with her mom.”
“Don’t cut or color your hair at the beginning of a relationship. Your new love interest might be nice about it, but he won’t like it.”
“Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.”
“The sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of women you have dated are off-limits unless you live in Arkansas or certain counties in Mississippi. Her best friend is a no-no, as well as the sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers of any of your friends.”
“Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.” (okay, that is a valid point, but not very helpful in the grand scheme of things)
“Take her where everyone knows your name.”

Being horrified by the complete lack of useful information on the Information Superhighway, I’ve made a few dating rules of my own. As several gentleman have pleaded with me to share my perspectives with those of the fairer sex, I’ve decided to do so…provided the men will uphold their end of the rules as well.

Rule Number 1 for XYs
Men, ask women out. A lot. Or at least more than you already do. You can’t come to me and complain that you can’t get a girl if you’ve only asked out one in the last 6 months. It’s not nearly as hard as you make it out to be–walk up to her, strike up a conversation, ask if she wants to hang out sometime, and get her number. You don’t have to be suave and charming, just be a gentleman (even a nervous one is okay). It’s amazing how well that works. And if she says no, you really haven’t lost anything. Your ego will recover, I promise.

Rule Number 1 for XXs
Women, if a man asks you out, go out with him. Trust me, when a man gets up the guts to ask you out, be very flattered, because they’re terrible at that. And in my opinion, you owe it to him to give him a chance, unless you have a very very good reason not to. Good reasons do not include that his hair is too long, that you think his shoes are ugly, or that you were really hoping to date a guy at least 3 inches taller than yourself but he’s only 2 inches taller. However, you may have a legitimate reason for saying no if he’s a known felon, old enough to be your father, or spends the entire conversation staring at your chest. You don’t have to get the warm fuzzies every time you think about him. His job is to instill those warm fuzzies in you, but not before your first date! If you’re still not feeling it after Date Number Two, however, your obligation to him is entirely fulfilled–let him down nicely now, instead of dumping him 6 more dates down the road.

Rule Number 2 for XYs
Men, don’t ask her to a movie on the first date. Or the second. Not even dinner and a movie. You can’t talk during movies, at least not without getting popcorn thrown at you by other angry viewers. That means that the only thing a movie theater is good for is the, er, “non-conversational” aspects of dating. And you’d better not try to explore that aspect this early in the game.

Rule Number for XXs
Women, if he asks you to a movie on the first date, gracefully decline the offer. Tell him that he seems like a really great person, you want to get to know him, but you have trouble doing so in that context. In fact, if he asks you anywhere you don’t want to go, whether you hate the activity or just aren’t comfortable with him in that setting, you have the right to turn it down, and hope he is creative enough to come up with an alternative. If he’s not, take pity on him and offer an alternative yourself.

Rule Number 3 for XYs
Men, open her door. Every time. If she’s walking through a door, open it. If she’s getting into the car, open it. For good measure and extra points, you can even pull out her chair for her. Yeah, we really do add (and deduct) points like that. And you really really want points.

Rule Number 3 for XXs
Women, say thank you when he opens your door. Every time. Now, if he doesn’t open it, he’s probably still a really great guy, so cut him a little slack. But not too much slack, since there’s probably another guy equally wonderful but more capable of exerting the energy to open your door.

Rule Number 4 for XYs
Men, when women say they’re fine and nothing’s wrong, they’re lying. If you’re fairly confident that their current state of instability is at all related to your existence on this planet, chocolate and flowers are a very good thing.

Rule Number 4 for XXs
Women, don’t ever tell a man you’re fine and nothing’s wrong. He knows you’re lying. Being honest, even brutally so, is a much better idea. If he upset you, he probably didn’t mean to and just can’t help it in his male stupidity, so just tell him so he can avoid that particular stupidity in the future. And if he didn’t upset you, definitely tell the poor guy so before he assumes he did and jumps off a bridge in his misery. But you can probably wait till after he brings you the chocolate and flowers.

Rule Number 5 for All
The opposite gender will never make sense to you. Neither will dating. But if they did and it did, you wouldn’t have as much fun.