ani ruhama

When confronted with a less-than-admirable trait, habit, or mannerism in another person, there are two rational choices we can make: to accept (and change our perceptions) or to reject (and change our actions).  Either you choose to accept someone’s flaws as a part of who they are, or if necessary, you rid ourselves of the problem by either telling them they have spinach in their teeth, or more drastically, breaking up with that jerk that’s cheated on you twice.

Now, in theory, it should be relatively simple to apply the same concept to ourselves, but instead we act downright silly.  Instead of either accepting our flaws as a part of who we are or ridding ourselves of the problem by rejecting the actions that led us there, we choose a third alternative.  We despise ourselves for our flaws yet take no action to change them for the better.  That’s silliness.

Exhibit A:  John smells bad.  But instead of just being a smelly guy, he chooses to hate himself for smelling bad and hates himself more for his refusal to take a bath, and therefore John becomes a smelly guy with self-esteem problems to boot.  It would make more sense for him to take a bath, and then he would neither smell bad nor have self-esteem problems.

Exhibit B:  Jane has a big nose.  But instead of just having a big nose, she despises herself for her big nose, becomes convinced it mars her whole existence, and therefore Jane becomes a girl with a big nose and self-esteem problems that convince that all anyone ever sees is her nose.  In this case, it would make more sense for her to accept the fact that her nose is bigger than she’d like, move on, and realize that everyone else genuinely believes she has the most beautiful eyes they’ve ever seen.  (Or she can spend a fortune on plastic surgery that would be better donated to feed starving children in Africa.)

Please note that when Jane accepts her big nose, it does not mean she will magically think her nose is smaller.  It simply means that she will choose to overlook it as something not worth wasting her time, energy, and fragile self-esteem upon.

Now that you’ve suffered through five paragraphs of my ramblings, I’ll sum it up in a very concise and unoriginal manner.  You may have heard it before.  But you probably never really listened…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”