Christian Spam, Redux

What happens when Nigerian scammers find Jesus…  Consider this a sequel to the last time I posted amusing spam:

Dearest in Christ,

I am Mrs Vivian Noel from Kuwait . I am married to Mr. Jerry Noel who worked with Kuwait embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year 2002.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.Before his death we were both born again Christian.

Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive hedeposited the sum of US$4.5million dollars in a Bank here in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.Presently, this money is still in bank.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church that will use this fund for orphanages,widows, propagating the word of God and to endeavorthat the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made usto understand that “Blessed is the hand that giveth”.I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husband’s efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence

I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that “the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace”. I don’t need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this development.With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Bank here in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire . I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and Truth.

Please always be prayerful all through your life.Contact me on the this e mail address: v14noel@marafiki.com: any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another church for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein.

Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs.Vivian Noel.

Women’s Hair

Guys take note.  Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert) provides brilliant insight on women’s changing hairstyles:

Most women change their hair all the time. You might not notice, but a woman is very aware of these small deviations in everything from highlights to length to fluffiness. I’m probably not using the official hairdresser terms, but you get the idea. It’s different every day, at least according to the woman who owns the hair. To me, hair is either brown or it isn’t, and you either have some or you don’t. The rest is beneath my radar.

So here’s the tip. When you see a woman who you haven’t seen for a few weeks, you can pay her this compliment, and it works every time. Say, “You’ve done something with your hair. I like it.”

The woman will feel flattered that you noticed anything beyond her hair’s very existence and its degree of brownness. She might even wonder if you can be her new gay friend. But she will confirm that something is indeed different and offer many details about how it got there. You can use that time to think about your hobbies.