The Callings of Marriage and Motherhood

I spent my lunch today reading an excellent, insightful article by Rachel Jankovic on the Desiring God blog, titled “Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank).”  It constrasts the common cultural views on children versus a Christ-honoring perspective on motherhood as a calling, beginning by offering a very real depiction of the common societal perspective:

“Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done…  Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get… Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.”

Then, the author contrasts it well with a Biblical perspective:
“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

And I’m very glad that Ms. Jankovic wrote this article, and rejoice that she and the Desiring God blog are offering such encouragement to mothers everywhere.  I most emphatically agree that our society does a poor job of prioritizing children from the moment they’re conceived.  And I agree that it’s hearbreaking when a culture views children as an annoyance to be shuffled off to the next activity or caregiver so the parents can get on with their lives.

BUT.  As a recent single woman, and now a married woman without children, I want to offer a careful qualification on this well-written article (and the very good and true perspectives espoused within it).  Because in my experience, such exhortations often include an implication that if you choose to postpone childbearing, or choose to have only one or two children, that you’re prioritizing children below studies or travel or work.  And even when it’s not intentionally implied, it’s still so easy for a woman to read into this article’s words of encouragement a perspective that was unintended (for that woman has seen that very perspective in a hundred articles before).

I disagree with those that would assert that a woman should get married and have children as fast and prolifically as possible.  Why?  Consider with me first the calling to marriage.  We know from the apostle Paul that marriage is a blessing, and yet singleness is too.  And for those women that are called to singleness, whether for a season or for a lifetime, they are not denying motherhood to study and travel and work.  They are obediently following the purpose God has determined for their life.

Likewise, I agree that children are a blessing.  I also agree that when a wife becomes a mother, her children must become a vital aspect of her calling.  However, it doesn’t follow that a woman should become a mother as soon as she can, and if she chooses to delay motherhood for a year or a decade, that she is denying her calling from the Lord.

We know marriage is a blessing, yet one to which not all are called.  And for those that are called, that time comes at different seasons in their life.  As an 18-year-old freshman in college, I was not denying God’s calling on my life because I was “postponing” marriage.  Neither was I denying God’s calling when I was 23 years old and single, and traveled for a month across the entire United States (one of the most amazing experiences of my life).  And if I had, in God’s sovereignty, not met my husband, I would not be denying my calling if I worked in an excellent God-glorifying career for the rest of my life.

We know that children are a blessing.  But we also know that, at least for the single (whether for a season or for life), children are not a calling.  And Scripture nowhere indicates that the sole purpose of marriage is to bear children quickly and in abundance.  So if a woman can go to college at 18 or travel at 23 or work for her entire life as a single woman without denying a calling to marriage, can she not also postpone childbearing?  Not because she doesn’t wish it, or because she’s selfishly choosing herself over her unconceived children, but because this is not the season in which she is called to be a mother?

I don’t write this to say that all women that postpone motherhood do it through true motives in line with the Lord’s will.  But I certainly would encourage women that the Lord has callings on their lives that extend far beyond motherhood.  And I would even be hesitant to declare that a woman that chooses to *never* bear children is therefore denying God’s purpose for her life, for the same reasons that a woman remaining unmarried is not only acceptable but encouraged by Paul.  If I had remained single, it would have allowed me to dedicate myself to the Lord and to my church in a way that I now cannot as a married woman.  And Lord willing, I plan to have children one day, but in this season of my life I can serve the Lord, my husband, and my church in a way that I will be unable as a mother.  And for a woman who marries but never bears children, she can likewise spend her entire life in tremendous, God-glorifying ways.  The most important part is that very thing – whatever season of life you’re in, you must spend it to the glory of our God and Father.

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