ani ruhama

If You Wanted Me - Todd Agnew

I’ll admit I’m glad we’re not disciples
Out on a lake paralyzed with fright
‘Cause I’m afraid I might have laughed at Peter
Until he stepped into that stormy night

If you wanted me to walk on water
Why’d You make the solid ground seem so right?

I’ll admit I’m glad I’m not King David
Ruling over everything I see
‘Cause I think I’ve fallen for more than Bathsheba
Your creation’s a temptation for me

If you wanted me to love you only
Why’d you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?

I’ll admit I’m glad I’m not John the Baptist
In a jail cell waiting for my day to die
‘Cause at least down here I know what we’re chasing
And it’s hard to trust Your dreams are so much better than mine

If you wanted me to die to myself
Why’d you make me fall so deeply in love with life?

If You wanted me to surrender
Why’d You make these hands able to hold on so tight?

And if You wanted me to be like You
Why’d You make me like me?

Complaints have been lodged against the author of this blog, commonly known as Yours Truly, Laura, and Hey You Weirdo, for not posting in a really really unbelievably long time. I accept full responsibility for this failure and offer my sincerest apologies.

In an attempt to right my wrong, I’ll try for a post. It might be lousy. Or it might be lousy and the only one for the next 6 months. But at least you won’t be able to say I didn’t make an effort.

Life is good, in a crazy sort of way. Work is busy, I come home exhausted more often than I’d like. Post-college life isn’t the most exciting thing ever, though, so I can crash right after work without worries about homework, more homework, or that thing I almost used to have (I think I called it a social life). My marvelous roommate and I are silly like old ladies and go to bed at unreasonably early hours of the night.

Don’t know why words and posts and ramblings aren’t forthcoming recently. I have a decent number of thoughts running round in my head at any given moment in time, I’m sure I could muster five or six long posts upon demand. Ask my poor friends that get stuck with my rambles, they’ll vouch for that. But the poor Blog is mostly dead.

But be of good cheer. The thoughts chasing each other in circles have threatened mutiny against my silent reign, and might force a post on any of a myriad of topics. Soon. Or never. Who knows…

In the meantime, I’m at Common Grounds drinking too much coffee, reading the Brothers Karamazov, waiting for tonight’s music to start, and wondering why there’s so many (noisy) students here right now when they’re all supposed to be off-campus for our Fall Break…silly people.

I hope this has been a halfway decent excuse for a post. Even if there’s absolutely no deepness in it whatsoever. When I’m not high on caffeine I might come up with something better. In the meantime, I leave you with this entirely irrelevant and useless thought:

I want to see a waterfall. Anyone up for Niagara Falls?

White House Executive Order, July 17, 2007: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq

To patch pieces of the legalese together, it in effect says that if the Secretary of the Treasury thinks you pose a threat to the peace and stability of Iraq, you’re “blocked and may not be transferred, paid, exported, withdrawn, or otherwise dealt in”.

I’ll refrain from any commentary, but it’s certainly an interesting read.

This is quite possibly the most wonderful and accurate personality test known to mankind.  It’s been around for a while, but thought I’d share.

The most enlightening thing I learned from it was the extent of my stubbornness and tenacity.  I impress myself.

And….I’m off to bed.

No recent posts…and really, no desire to write one today on the first day of my glorious three-day weekend.  Too much effort.

I was poking around my site stats and was intrigued by my browser share.  Yes, site stats can be considered intriguing.  What, you say I’m a geek?  ….nah, couldn’t be.

Internet Explorer barely holds first at 50%, with Firefox at 42%, Safari at 7%, and Opera plodding along at an inspiring 1%.  Back in the olden days (more accurately defined as four years ago when the College-Freshman-Laura started “blogging” on Xanga), my numbers for IE were around 90%.

Of course, my blog stats aren’t necessarily representative of the general public.  That’s why I point you to this page of spiffiness, which can articulate better than I the shift over the last few years.  If you’re interested.  You’re probably not.  So I apologize for having wasted perfectly good white space with this post.

I blinked today and the school year was over. It’s hard to believe that it’s now been a semester since I graduated (though I still have yet to parade across the stage in a rather anticlimactic manner, something I’ll be oh-so-privileged to do this weekend). Hard to believe it’s been a semester since I started work. It’s funny how time flies…wish I could slow it down just a little.

Speaking of time flying: My junior year of high school, one of my classrooms had a poster that read, “Time flies like a rocket. Fruit flies like a banana.” I didn’t get the joke for eight months. Consequently, I felt rather foolish when I did.

When confronted with a less-than-admirable trait, habit, or mannerism in another person, there are two rational choices we can make: to accept (and change our perceptions) or to reject (and change our actions).  Either you choose to accept someone’s flaws as a part of who they are, or if necessary, you rid ourselves of the problem by either telling them they have spinach in their teeth, or more drastically, breaking up with that jerk that’s cheated on you twice.

Now, in theory, it should be relatively simple to apply the same concept to ourselves, but instead we act downright silly.  Instead of either accepting our flaws as a part of who we are or ridding ourselves of the problem by rejecting the actions that led us there, we choose a third alternative.  We despise ourselves for our flaws yet take no action to change them for the better.  That’s silliness.

Exhibit A:  John smells bad.  But instead of just being a smelly guy, he chooses to hate himself for smelling bad and hates himself more for his refusal to take a bath, and therefore John becomes a smelly guy with self-esteem problems to boot.  It would make more sense for him to take a bath, and then he would neither smell bad nor have self-esteem problems.

Exhibit B:  Jane has a big nose.  But instead of just having a big nose, she despises herself for her big nose, becomes convinced it mars her whole existence, and therefore Jane becomes a girl with a big nose and self-esteem problems that convince that all anyone ever sees is her nose.  In this case, it would make more sense for her to accept the fact that her nose is bigger than she’d like, move on, and realize that everyone else genuinely believes she has the most beautiful eyes they’ve ever seen.  (Or she can spend a fortune on plastic surgery that would be better donated to feed starving children in Africa.)

Please note that when Jane accepts her big nose, it does not mean she will magically think her nose is smaller.  It simply means that she will choose to overlook it as something not worth wasting her time, energy, and fragile self-esteem upon.

Now that you’ve suffered through five paragraphs of my ramblings, I’ll sum it up in a very concise and unoriginal manner.  You may have heard it before.  But you probably never really listened…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”